Running to the Void

Imagine this.

You're standing in the midst of crowd.
You know them, but only a few who have relationships with you.
Only a few who are connected with you.
They're talking and laughing a lot while you're just trying to keep a silence.
They're full of noisiness, yet also hilarity.
Meanwhile, you keep standing still, watching them alertly.

Then suddenly, you're sick of that hectic atmosphere.
No one's without lies.
Everyone has his or her own fudge.
All you want is stillness.
Maybe, to find clarity.
Or maybe, to find back your serenity, since you believe you had it once.

You close your eyes, hoping all that clamorous sound to fade away.
It does.
Slowly, it becomes more and more serene.

You start to open your eyes.
And all you can see is refulgence.
Everything is so clear white.
You dazzle for a moment.
You narrow your eyes.

A wonderful view begins to appear.
There's a vast field of golden grass.
They're all swayed by the wind.
You can feel the wind breeze through your hair and ears.
The sky is blue and full of white cotton cloud.
What is this place?
All you can hear is silence.
All you can feel is quietude.

As you begin to enjoy the moment, your mind starts to wonder about the others.
Where are they?
You try to savour the moment and explore the place.
Where am I?
You start asking where you're standing when you realize about where the others are.

You try to fancy the view and the atmosphere, but everything you do ends up with looking for the others.
Why am I here?
You start to walk wherever the wind blows, not to explore the place, but to find someone.
How did I get here?
There's a little feeling of wanting to cry, but your mind keeps fighting it by asking one question: "Isn't this what you wanted? A solitude?"

Suddenly, you hear a voice.
A voice that's calling your name.
Some voices begin to rise.
They all are whispering, calling you by your name.
Their voices are like a glimpse of heaven.
So, what the place where you are now is called?

Thence, you start to run.
Run and run to look for the source of the voices.
Where is it? Where are they?
Begging to the sky, you keep running and hoping to find someone.
Someone you can walk together with.
Someone you can share everything with.
Someone whom you miss from the crowd that you used to execrate.

Unexpectedly, the voices begin to fade away.
It's so unforeseen.
Anxiety begins to creep in.
You run faster, as fast as you can, trying to catch one of them.
Nevertheless, it's like they run faster than you can ever be.
You cannot catch them up.
Just like from the very first start, you can grip none of them.

You're panting.
Not because you're exhausted.
But because you're afraid.
Afraid of being alone.

You fall on your knee.
Tears start falling on your cheek.
You're afraid.
Afraid of that solitude which you used to want.
You just understand nothing.
Trying to figure out where they've gone, but everything ends up with this word: 'why'

Thenceforward, you stand and start walking again.
You realize.
You realize that the voices were never real.
They are not real.
Those voices are only your thoughts.
Because you long for company in your deep heart.
Craving for serenity and clarity, but all you have now is a great void.

You realize.
That you've been left alone.